Angst, Action, Romance, and Everything In Between
by Takagou
Summary: Romance, angst, comedy and more. It's all here, a different genre per chapter. Rivalry's between Naruto and Neji, a battle for the love of two girls, all with funny undertones. Semi Naruhina Chapter3: Supernatural
1. Humor

Chapter 1: Humor  
Disclaimer: I am not Kishimoto. Or am I? Somehow I doubt it. He'd be able to think of much more creative things than myself. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight? wink wink

Synopsis: The basic outline for this, my first multi-chapter fic since my first account was deleted…coughcough, is well…each chapter is a different genre scenario that supplies. I guess that's the only way I can describe it. It all starts one day, when all the guys have to fight for one girls love…..

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The four boys looked around the empty room with blatant confusion on their face. Naruto's eyes then met Sasuke's, and the two eeked in surprise. Naruto pointed an accusing finger, and screamed at the long lost Uchiha, "WTF! What are you doing here!" Sasuke jumped back in shock, and then pointed his own finger.

"I can say the same thing about you!"

"You abandoned the village!"

"You stole Sakura's panties!"

"You are a Voldemort impersonator's play thing!"

"You're fat!"

"You're a flip flopper!"

"I love Gai!" At this last comment, the two boys who were arguing turned toward the one who had just randomly blurted out a confession of love. They stared at Rock Lee, who was also getting a weird stare from his non-gay coughcough life companion, Neji. All three boys took a step back away from Lee, and Lee sweat dropped sadly. "But but…he's my role model!" The three took another step away, much to Lee's annoyance.

"Dude…" Neji started, one eyebrow cocked up. "guys never say they 'love' another guy. It's just not kosher."

"Your Jewish now?" Naruto asked curiously.

"Sort of. Anything to piss the old man off." Neji shook a fist, silently cursing his wanna-be father, Hiashi. 

"I have a question you guys." Sasuke asked ominously. He was staring off intently, and the boys around new that it must be a serious question. This was known especially in Naruto's heart. He had been Sasuke's companion for a long time before Sasuke had left, and knew Sasuke to never take something petty seriously. Yes, him and Sasuke had been through thick and thin, smooth and rough, lubed up goodness and complete dry-ness. He knew what ever was to be said had great relevance. "Are we pre-time skip, or post-time skip?" 

The boys gasped, taken aback by this latest statement. All three were afraid to speak first, until finally the bravest answered. Aka, Sai came out of no where to say so.

"Well, why is that of importance?"

"If its pre-timeskip, we are all undeveloped and weak…" Sasuke said, contemplating life without the timeskip. 

"So?" Asked Sai, while doing an uuber freaky smile. "Nothing wrong with you all being genin still." The three contemplated this, but then Naruto countered.

"It'd also mean you don't exist." Naruto said with so much seriousness, one could mistake him for Sasuke…..or atleast an emo Shikamaru. Sai gasped in horror at the thought of not existing.

"Alright then!" Sai gasped out. "It's post time skip!" Neji, Naruto, Lee, and Sai were all settled with the idea, but Sasuke still was not pleased.

"But crap…I don't know how I look! I Don't know how strong I am…That'd mean the reader right now would be imagining the weak pre-timeskip me while you all are advanced from two point five years of training! Meaning I'm not only behind Naruto in strength…I'm behind everyone…EVEN TENTEN! (darthvador) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sasuke proceeded to explode, much to Sai's delight. Not to Kishimoto's, however. So…he re-creates Sasuke.

"….So…I can't die?" Sasuke asks his creator.

"Afraid not. I still need you around, even though your not back yet." Kishimoto replies, as the rest of the guys bow down to their creator. Sasuke sighs, and Kishimoto leaves the boys. 

A few minutes go by, and the boys are all silent. Finally, Lee looks around in wonder. "Where did Sai go?" The other three look around as well. Neji laughs haughtily, being so great that he figured out where Sai had gone.

"It seems without a finale say in what time era we existed, it was impossible for fate to allow him to have continued existence with lack of substantial evidence that he is, infact, supposed to be created!" The guys sweat dropped, and Sasuke added to the confusing comment.

"Or maybe he is just a play thing of the authors will, only appearing randomly when it suits her best." The boys rubbed their chins at this in wonder. 

Naruto then blinked, and remembered something important (for once). "What are we doing here again?"

"Don't know" replied Sasuke.

"As Usual, Sasuke not knowing a thing and me being forced to save the day!" The boys looked at Naruto, and suddenly random objects were thrown at Naruto, hitting him in the face. "Hey! How were 12 objects hurled at my face at once when there are only three of you!"

Lee stood up, knowing the answer. "That's like asking 'how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop'!" Neji Nodded in agreement.

"The world may never know." 

"Yea…" all the boys muttered. Suddenly, Hiashi appeared on a big screen tv.

Lee turned to Naruto, and asked "Why didn't we notice that before?"

Naruto replied solemnly, "The world may never know…." The boys were quieted however, when Hiashi screamed out from the TV.

"LISTEN UP! As the three of you know, I am Hyuuga Hiashi, master of the Hyuuga clan-"

"But not that master of my fate old man!" Neji blurted out, shacking his fist.

"Quiet son." "You not my daddy!" 

"Well actually….ahem…well that's for another night. After a few Tequila shots and jell-o shooters. Back to the point! My daughter, the fair, the beautiful, the strong, has recently reached the age of marriage! I have chosen four of the finest boys in our village to fight over who gets to marry her! Oh and uuh..I guess who ever is winner up gets to be with Hinata." Just then, a platform started to rumble from the floor, a fighting rink. On it was Hanabi, dressed in a fine white gown and a smug smirk on her face. Next to her was Hinata, looking rather pissed off.

"Meh meh meh, second place daughter gets second place boy…bah bah bah…" and other such things could be heard from Hinata's mouth…as well as some curse words. Yes, Hyuuga's swear too. Hiashi interrupted her low key rant of anger, finishing his planned speech. 

"The battle will start a week from today! Until then, no one is aloud to leave this room! BUWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA!" And the screen went blank. All was quiet for a minute, until Lee spoke out.

"How are we going to eat?" The black screen went back on.

"Urh..well, yea I suppose you need food." A kitchen suddenly appeared at the far end of the room. "Well, there you go, all set then. Be nice to my little girls now! CHAO!" The screen went black. 

This time, Sasuke questioned out. "What about bathroom?"

The screen went back on a grand total of 14 times, each time granting another necessity to life. It ended at Sakura's request for twenty more Sasuke's. How half of the Naruto cast got into the sealed off room was a mystery to Hiashi, but he sure as hell wasn't going to grant her that. Two Sasuke's were bad enough, but after Sai, enough was enough.

Later, Hanabi walked over to the boys who were now her future suitors. "So boys, looking forward to me, a battle of champagne, and some tentacle jutsu's?" A question mark formed in Sasuke, Naruto, Lee, and Neji's head at the last comment, but was dismissed.   
Lee responded to her comment first, replying, " Well, you are your sister are too young really. I like my gals older…with straight black hair in a bowl cut….thick lustrious eye brows……..muscles…..ooooooh the muscles." The group walked away from Lee, knowing nothing more could be done.

Naruto looked Hanabi up and down. "I'm more into girls with Boobs." Hinata popped out of nowhere, unzipping her baggy jacket to reveal the skintight black tank beneath.

"I Have matured enough to have breasts, Naruto-kun!" She blushed and fainted, but quickly re-gained consciousness.

Naruto thought over how to get out of this now, and the answer came with Sasuke's smirk. "I'm more into girls with a Penis."

"WHERE! Did someone say Penis? Penis? Where where ill get it who has one I know it was said where!" Sang Sai, popping out of a nonexistent corner. Once again, the group moved away knowing there was nothing more that could be done. 

Hanabi turned to her dear cousin, as did Hinata. Neji gagged, barely able to stutter out, "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew, incest." Last was Sasuke, the two girls last hope for a husband.

"Yea…I'm sort of already promised to a Sannin. Can you guys honestly say your better than a Sannin? Can…can you even lie about it well? Didn't think soooOOOoooo000Ooooooooo!" With that, the boys agreed not to fight to marry one of the Hyuuga princesses. 

The black screen turned on once more for this chapter, and Hiashi looked furious. Seriously, vein throbs everywhere. "YOU WILL FIGHT FOR MY MOTHER FING DAUGHTERS OR ILL &$#& $&& $$ #(# &$ ) (#!" 

The four ninja's in question looked at each other in united strength, perseverance, and defiance. At the same time, the four screamed back at Hiashi, not caring about the consequences for their actions, "What ever you say sir!"

"Well, that's more like it." The four cried themselves to sleep later that night, while Sai castrated them to the umth degree.


	2. Mystery

Chapter 2: Mystery  
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto what would I do….Too bad I don't!  
Hinata: Hey, what was with all the bashing on me yesterday? I thought you were a hardcore me fan!  
Me: Well ….uuh…yea about that. Hehe….well, I bash Sakura so often in my comedy fics, people accuse me of being biased! So I-  
Sasuke: You gave in on your own ideals. Shame shame…  
Me: Quiet you two….back to the point!  
Plot Synopsis: Same as said in chapter one…but I suppose I should say each genre is exaggerated as well. I want to make this work, darn it! ! So where were we last checked? Ah yes, the boys discovered they were going to fight for the heart of a Hyuuga Princess, even though non of them want to. That's about to be the least of their worries though, when…..

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The night was normal, too normal. Oh sure, Neji was recently imprisoned in a giant building forced to fight for his cousins affection, but in his life it was relatively normal. It was then that she walked in. He knew she was trouble from the moment he saw her, but Neji could never say no to a woman, especially a woman like this. 

Her name was Tenten, and she had the reddest lips this side of the fire country. That is, if he, Naruto, Sasuke, and Lee were still in the fire country. That wasn't the point though. There was a dame, and she was in trouble. "There was a murder." Tenten spoke, as coolly and collectively as though it was a simple matter of a cat stuck up a tree. Neji called for his assistant to come in and assist.

"Yes Neji-san?" Lee answered. It was then Lee noticed the delectable piece of woman in their office, and gasped in shock. "Tenten, what are you doing here!"

"Someone was murdered, just on the other side of the building!" Tenten replied, a strand of hair falling over her face. Neji took a long drag of a fake cigarette, thinking over his plan. 

"No, I mean how did you get in the building? I thought it was sealed off." Lee scratched his head, a mystery now going on in his own mind.

Neji sat up, ending the idle chitchat between friends. " That's not important now. We have a mystery to solve! And I'll be damned if our rivals figure it out before us!" Neji threw the cigarette in it's respective ash tray, and glanced at a picture of his rivals. And there they were, Naruto and Sasuke, sitting together, permanently etched onto Neji's dartboard. How Neji loathed them so! There was no time for delay though, and the three were off to investigate the murder.

When Neji and Lee arrived, Sasuke and Naruto were already examining the body. "Who's the victim?" Lee asked Naruto. Lee thought he and Naruto could have gotten along in another place, another time, they might even have been friends.

"It's terrible Lee, Just awful." It was then that Zabuza came running past the detectives to latch onto the body that was covered in a white sheet. The sheet fell, and Haku's corpse was shown to the world. 

"Oh dear Kami…" Lee backed away, falling to the ground. Hanabi meanwhile, folded her arms and tapped her foot.

"I can't believe there is sow much fuss ova a dead body! We is supposed ta be thinkin 'bout me and what's her faces hubby's, not some ovaly cute gurl!" She turned away from the group, even more upset that no one seemed to be caring that a princess like her was upset. It was only when Lee whispered to Hanabi that Haku was a boy that the girl showed any remorse, but it was more likely that she pitied a boy that looked more fem than Michael Jackson.

Hinata walked away from her sister, toward the boy she hoped to get second place, even though he had the strength to be number one. "Naruto-kun….I…apologize for…her…" Naruto did not notice the blush on her face, but did stare her down intently.

"Hinata…" Naruto started, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Look, me and Sasuke need some helps ya see. Normally, its me and Sasuke versus the two nin compoots over there," he extended a thumb in the direction of Neji and Lee, who were taking notes at a rapid pace. "But this time, they gots a dame on their side as well, to help with the ya know…" he got closer to her ear and whispered, "The girly matters."

Hinata blushed and jumped away, clutching her chest. "I…I don't know if I can help with you guys n all…I'm very busy thinkin' about the battles next week and all that jazz…"

"Please Hinata…" Naruto said to her in his most innocent of voices. "We need you…I need you." Hinata could not say no to such a voice, and was about to reply with a glorious yes. 

It was then that Sakura walked to Naruto and tapped him on the shoulder. "I'll help you I guess."

"Even better! Thanks anyway kid!" Naruto called to Hinata as he ran off with Sakura and Sasuke, but such was not heard. Hinata had fallen to the floor, and figured herself as dead as Haku. 

"Come on Neji, she'll be fine but we gots to get goin!" Tenten called to Neji who was about to help his cousin. "If you acts too nice, she'll thinks you'll want to marry her!"

"Damn…your right Tenten. And I REALLY don't want to marry my cousin." So, Neji, Lee and Tenten ran off opposite of Naruto Sasuke and Sakura. Which team would prevail in figuring out the mystery? Find out…now!  
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Team 7 looked at each other, going over the clues they managed to swipe before Neji, Lee, and Tenten showed up. "I gots a piece of hair, but I suspects it was the victims'." Naruto held up a strand of medium brown hair, long and straight.

Sakura took it and examined the hair through a mini magnifying glass, her brows furrowed. "Well, whoever's hair that is, the split ends is terrible." Sasuke looked annoyed by the nonsense, and stood up to get something done.

"Screw strands of hair, who wasn't around at the time of the murder!" Naruto took out his flipbook, and read off the names of the suspects.

" Zabuza-" Naruto started, but was quickly interrupted by Sakura. Repeatedly.

"Yea, he would got the biggest motive, being tha only one somewhat close to tha victim!"

"Yea well…urhm…Hyuuga Hiashi-"

"No way, he'd neva set foot in here after trappin half o' the strongest ninja's in da world just to watch four idiots fight for two girls they don't give a rats ass about"

"Fine, I'll cross him off." Naruto crossed Hiashi's name off, while Sasuke and him shared a look of slight annoyance at the interruptions. "Sarutobi"

"Dead post time skip."

"Sand Siblings-"

"Reformed sinners, might have fallen off da bandwagon."

"Tenten-"

"That goody goody couldn't kill a beaver in a cage much less Haku!"

"Hanabi-"

"Lil miss bride ta be? The princess wouldn't be able ta lift a butta knife!"

"Haruno Sakura-"

"Your list bites Naruto! This whole case bites! You bite! Why would I kill Haku, huh!" 

Sasuke spoke up before Sakura could ramble into next Tuesday. He liked Sakura, he really did, but a motive was a motive and if Sakura had done this to the poor gender confused boy, he'd have to figure it out before Neji. Atleast then he could spare the girls fate if some evidence was hidden 'n' all, but if Neji got to the punch first she'd be a gonner before Thursday. "Maybe ya killed him dead, cuz' he killed me nearly dead, ay ya dame?"

Sakura was taken aback, and Naruto chuckled to himself at the resent events. Sakura was no murderer, she couldn't even kill a butterfly. But there was somethin' fishy about the whole thing that Naruto couldn't put his finger on. It was no ordinary murder, it was a crime of passion. After all, the body was…..  
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"Red as a tomata on steroids!" Lee belted out, pointing to the kitchens where a bushel of tomatoes were conveniently placed.

"Wrong again ya sucker!" Tenten giggled out, tossing her fine brown hair. Lee continued to guess what the item was that Tenten was referencing to in this little game 'I Spy', but continued to fail miserably. He concluded to himself if he did not get the correct answer in three turns, he'd have to run 200 laps around the building, which was no picnic.

Next to Lee sat Neji, whose rage was becoming more open as the sun set in the sky. Finally, he slapped his book down and screamed to his mystery solving partners, "WILL YOU BOTH SHUT UP!" Silence fell through the entire building, and the three huddled closer together to whisper. "Now then, who killed the poor pre-time skip disaster of a guy?" 

Lee read off an evidence list, sounding as cool as possible to impress the fair Tenten. "Wells, the other trio of trust got to a lot of tha evidence before we dids, but I did get this ya see!" He took a kunai out of his pocket, which was coated in the victims blood. Tenten gasped in horror.

"How gross! Bloody things is so icky, keep it away Lee sweety keep it away!" Neji rolled his eyes and took the kunai from Lee, looking over it carefully. 

"Looks like it was stabbed in…once the victim was already dead. About two hours later to be exact." Neji told the other three. They nodded, and Tenten suddenly got a worried look. "What's wrong doll?"

"Does that mean there's two killas? I mean…why would someone re-kill their own victim?"

"By jove!" Lee muttered out, punching a fist in the air. "I believe she is right!" Neji was now the confused one of the three.

"Tenten…said something intelligent?" Tenten giggled, and gave Neji the receiving end of an all knowing smirk. 

The team felt as though they were on the verge of figuring the case out, they could almost smell it! Their thoughts were cut short though, when a call of doom echoed throughout the building. "We figured it out!" It was team 7, and they were practically creating their own lil parade of triumph.

"Shit." Neji muttered beneath his breath. He looked up at the other two, and almost broke down from self-disappointment. One of them just had their fist clenched so hard the nails almost caused blood to poor, while the other wept tears so pitiful, it'd break any man's heart. "There there Lee, don't cry." Lee sniffed, trying to recompose himself. "We're really screwed now. Who will give a bunch a second rate, only apparent in every other arch characters a job now? I dunno…maybe we should just win the damn tournament and marry the girls. At least we'd get a decent plot twist!"

Lee grabbed onto Neji, and started shacking him. "Don't say stuff like that man! It ain't ova yet! We don't need the Hyuuga's to be great, we ARE great! We're da best thing to eva happen to this show!" Lee turned to the two, and started chanting. "Team Gai…team Gai, team Gai, team Gai! Come on you guys!" All three started chanting, and before long, the entire building chanted their team name.

"Team Gai! Team Gai! Team Gai! Team Gai! Team Gai! Team Gai! Team Gai! Team Gai! Team Gai! Team Gai! Team Gai! Team Gai!" 

"Oh really?" Sasuke interrupted. Normally, one person wouldn't silence a whole group, but one word from Sasuke and all the gals quiet up. Naruto stepped forward with Sasuke, and the two protruded their traditional smirk of victory.

"They aint gonna be a team much longa!" Naruto laughed out, cocking an eye brow. Neji stepped forward from his two dumb associates, ready to defend his teams honor.

"Whats that supposed ta mean Uzumaki!" Neji got into a fight position, prepared to re-challenge Naruto to a fight. Hinata and Hanabi ran between the two, Hinata grabbing onto Naruto to hold him back, Hanabi doing the same for her cousin.

"Please…" Hinata began softly, begging the two most important guys in her life. "There ain't no fightin' aloud before the tournament, fight then!" The two boys looked at the girls between them, and relaxed a bit. The girls also relaxed, and both stepped aside to let the Mystery be resolved.

"Explain your reasoning for that comment, Uzumaki. My team is as solid as stone." Naruto snapped a finger, and Sakura handed him two bags of evidence. 

"Sasuke, would you like to explain this one to the lead baka?"

"Gladly, Naruto." Sasuke walked over to a chair and sat down, while all the girls fawned over him. Neji was extremely annoyed that Tenten was amongst them, but he'd harass her about it later. "There wasn't much evidence in this case mind you, but the two things found was good enough!"

"Behold!" Exclaimed Naruto, displaying the strand of brown hair. "A strand of brunette hair!"

"I think they can see that, Naruto, but back to the point at hand. Straight brown hair ain't uncommon in this buildin. In fact, the victim him/her/itself had brown hair almost identical to this." Sakura leaped infront of Sasuke, interrupting him much to the girls, and his own annoyance.

"But afta careful DNA plannin, and extractin hair from every other person with similar hairs to this one by swippin hair brushes from every night stand in the buildin!-" Sakura was quickly silenced by a chop to the back of the neck, via Sasuke. Her last thought before falling was 'Damn…how many times is that guy gonna pummel me?'

"Anyways, as my slightly annoyin associate was just informin you alls, we figured out who the killer was by this hair. The killer was non other than a member of Team Gai!" The three man team huddled together closer, latching onto each other in fear. Naruto stepped forward once more infront of Sasuke, puffing on a bubble pipe.

"Could it have been our dear Hyuuga Neji, so desperate ta win a mystery case that he'd kill to get it?" The audience oohed and awed at the brilliance of the first accusation. "Or Perhaps Rock Lee, tired of the constant male characters being stronger and sexier than he is, even when one looks like a girl!" The audience gasped, and stared intently, ready for the finale accusation. "Or perhaps…maybe, just maybe…It was Tenten!" There was silence, and then an outburst of laughter. Tenten flushed and stepped out from her two male companions.

"Hey, I can kill a guy if I wanted! Haku ain't so great!" The audience laughed harder, and Naruto and Sasuke gave each other a knowing stare. "I could kill him! I could! Infact…I DID kill him! It was me! Its my piece-a brown hair! I stabbed him with my kunai see its mine!" She walked over to Neji, retrieved the kunai, and revealed her initials under Haku's blood. "See! I did it! Me! I couldn't take it, a guy bein more pretty than me! No girl is supposed ta be more pretty than me much less a guy! So I did it and I'm proud of it! Proved I can kill an elite AND keep more fashion sense! HA HA HA!" 

Sasuke got up from his seat and stood next to Naruto. "We know, we just needed a confession." Tenten stared at them, making a small sound of confusion. "Ya see, we knew it had ta be you, we just didn't have any of dat scientific mumbo jumbo Sakura was rantin off 'bout. It was all staged to set ya up to a confession ya see." The not unconscious Sakura stood up, nodding. Sasuke spoke his teams slogan as they grouped together. "Team 7 kicks ass again! HA!" The three gave each other a group high five, and the Uchiha police came to take Tenten away. After all, half of the Naruto cast is present, why not the resurrected Uchiha clan when it's convenient as well?

Right before She got taken out of the secured building, Neji spoke out, holding up the kunai. "Hold it a sec! I gots proof it wasn't Tenten who'd done it!" Naruto cocked an eye brow, and gave a short chuckle.

"Yea? Prove it ya Hyuuga half wit." Neji clenched a fist at the comment, and proceeded with his side of the case.

"Ignoring the fact that even you and Sasuke was unable to kill Haku, much less Tenten, it's still obvious she couldnta killed him. Using my special eye techniques, I was able to tell that the molecular cells on the blood of this kunai was staled two hours. The dumb broad tried to kill the boy when he was already dead! Tryin to prove your talent by hackin a dead guy ain't gonna get ya anywhere doll." 

Everyone else went silent, except for Tenten who giggled at her own stupidity for not remembering that she had, herself, proven that she couldn't have killed Haku just ten minutes earlier. Hanabi was becoming more annoyed with the silence and lack of attention on her and her sister, so she spoke out. "So who did kill the shemale?"

Question marks formed all over, and a tear clad Zabuza stepped forward. "I…I found this note…with the body….I didn't want to say anything…I couldn't accept that he would…" Zabuza ran away from the group, attempting to conceal he evident tears. 

Lee grabbed the note and read it aloud. "I, Haku, can no longer stand to live with what I have done. I have killed too many for reasons that were not my own. Zabuza, please do not blame yourself, I followed and loved you like a son. Farewell." An uneasy silence penetrated the crowd, and everyone slowly dispersed back to their rightful dwelling in the building. Tenten was let free, since she did not actually commit a crime. She was, however, given a restraining order from all supermodels who may be her next target. The only one not granted a restraining order was Kate Moss.

Soon, only the mystery solving teams were left. They sat around, still refusing to say a word. Finally, Naruto broke the silence. "It just don't make sense, he aint neva wanted to die before, neva." 

Lee sighed, remembering Haku's face. "Something about his face too...it looked like it was struggling from the inside, ya know?" Sasuke looked at a picture of how the body looked.

"Ain't it also strange how it was crawlin though? Like tryin to get help?" 

"Perhaps he regretted it afterwards?" Neji questioned.

"Who knows…." Sakura said tiredly, getting up and walking back to her residence, which she shared with Ino. "Goodnight everyone, may tomorrow bring more luck than today." 

They all said their goodnights, till it was only Neji and Naruto left. As Naruto walked to his bed, Neji called his name. "Uzumaki, don't think I've forgotten your blasphemous remarks 'bout me and my team. You'll get yours in the battles next week." 

Naruto turned around, a cocky smile planted on his fox-like face. "I'll be looking forward to it, Hyuuga!" The two parted, and Naruto crawled into his bed. 'I don't care anymore,' thought Naruto as he closed his eyes, 'I'd rather marry Hanabi than let that jerk off win. Even IF Hinata is the cuter sister.'  
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Sakura entered the room, and sat next to Ino. She placed her hands over Ino's stomach and continued her healing remedies. "Your lucky I trained with da Hokage, ya dumb blonde."

Ino just smirked to herself, and asked, "Anyone notice my absence?" Sakura shook her head.

"Naw, everyone was too heartbroken over da "suicide" note. I tells ya, for a buncha detectives they sure is stupid. I aint neva helped them in their lives, why would I start now?"

"It was genious though. I mean, no one can be prettier than me, it just aint legal. Specialy some no good boy!"

"And no body tries to kill my Sasuke without feelin the wrath of hell itself!" The two girls laughed, successfully keeping suspicion away from each other. How handy and lucky for each other, that one girl can enter a body and have her way with it, while the other can heal even the most fatal of injuries if helped soon enough. Writing a suicide note, stabbing ones self in the chest, its all irrelevant if you're a girl who wants some revenge.

And no guy no matter how smart could solve THAT mystery. The mystery…known as woman.  
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Me: That was long. I would've made Humor longer if I knew this would be so long.  
Sasuke: So how does this have relevance to the actual story plot?  
Me: Well, the "plot" really is just to keep the story moving with some significance! But it paved way to the rivalry between Neji and Naruto in this fic! And slight Naruhina hints! (Come on, I'm a Naruhina writer just look at some of my other stories!)  
Sasuke: Yea Speaking of Naruto vs Neji , aren't I supposed to be the lead rival?  
Me: But I love you and I'm tired of every fic and their mother being about your rivalry damn it!   
Sasuke: yea yea..I just better get someone to kick ass and have it be meaningful, or I'm going back to the sound.  
Me: EEK! What ever you say Sasuke-kun! ….Review please! ;


	3. A Supernatural

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…what? I can't be creative all the time ya know!

Plot Synopsis: Every chapter is a different genre ff provides, exaggerated to the tenth degree for your entertainment. Last we saw, Sakura and Ino killed Haku and got away with it, Naruto admitted Hinata was cute but cares more about kicking Neji's arrogant butt! Lee is crushin on Tenten who, just like every other girl, just wants Sasuke. What will happen next? Enjoy!  
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Neji lay in his bed sleeping. "bzz….Lee Lee …screw you Hiashi…not my…daddy…zzz…." He woke up suddenly, startled by a sound. His eyes shot open to see Haku floating above him.

The two starred at each other for a few seconds, when Haku finally spoke. "Help me."

"OH SHIT DUDE!" Neji screamed and jumped up out of the bed and scurried to a corner. "Don't eat my soul! It's not my time you can't go against fate and FATE IS MY FRIEND AND DON'T WANT ME DEAD!"

"No dude, I just want you to help me with this hair. I mean, long hair on you yea fine, but I look like such a fem."

Neji looked crooked eyed at Haku, and proceeded to scratch his head. "So, cut it?"

Haku shook his head sadly. "Can't. Scissors can't cut spirit hair, just doesn't work that way."

Neji nodded. "Guess your screwed man."

"Yea…thanks anyways."

"No problem."

"Later" "Bye!" With Neji's last statement, Haku faded away. Neji crawled back into bed and closed his eyes. "He was a good kid." Neji's eyes then flashed open, and he eeked quietly. "Wait…wasn't Haku…dead?" Neji blinked slightly in the dark of his room. "I should scream….AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
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"Ok dude, tell us again what happened?" Naruto said slowly, shacking the distraught neji lightly. With him in the room was Sasuke, Lee, Sakura, and Hinata. In such supernatural incidences as these, you always need the bad ass, the comic relief, the snob, and the virgin. 

"H…Haku! He..I…she…it…made…HAIR!" Neji spurted all this out, and proceeded to pass out for the seventh time since everyone had been awaken by his screams three hours earlier. 

Sasuke sighed, and slapped Neji awake. "Yes, Haku is dead we know. So what the hell are you carrying on about?"

"Shemale….is…is….a Ghost! He came to my room and and…Haku is back!" Neji eeked, and passed out once more.

At this, Lee stood up and nodded. "I see, we have a poltergeist on our hands. It would be best to vacate the area, before any of us are trapped in Haku's spiritual domain!"

"But…" Hinata spoke softly, and everyone turned to her. "Then, how can there be a tournament?" She bit her lip as Hanabi, who was near by, over heard and walked over to the others.

"Yea, if you all leave we can't get married!" She placed her hands on her hips, believing the decision was settled to stay.

The boys nodded in agreement. Naruto got up and spoke for the group. "Yes, then it's settled. We all leave, and take the poor fate-demented boy with us." The boys got up, dragging Neji by his hair as the two Hyuuga Princesses cried.

Before they could reach the door, however, Hyuuga Hiashi appeared on the big screen. "Where do you think you are going!"

The boys turned around, and Lee shrugged. "Out of here! There's a ghost Hiashi-sama, we can't hold a tournament under such conditions!" The boys nodded in agreement, and Hiashi frowned.

"I see, that is quite the predicament. Hmm…well then, I suppose there is only one thing to do!" The boys smiled, knowing that they would now be released from the Hell hole that was this forced tournament.

Hanabi came running to the big screen, her big sister a few feet behind her going towards it at a timid walk. "Daddy! You can't let them go, you just can't! I wanna get married!" Fake tears proceeded down Hanabi's face in a very anime-like style.

"Don't worry precious! Daddy would never let the boys leave, he's going to make them hunt down the ghosts!" To this, the boys jumped with horrid faces, and even Neji woke up to be completely stunned at the recent turn of events.

"You have GOT to be kidding me!" Proclaimed Neji.

"This is an outrage!" Yelled Lee.

"What kind of sick demented man are you!" gasped out Naruto.

"Who do you think you are, my brother?" Stuttered Sasuke.

Hiashi frowned, and suddenly Ghost Buster equipment fell from the ceiling. "Here is your equipment, find the ghost, and get rid of it before sundown, or I'll just force you all to marry my daughters now!"

"Yes Sir!" The boys screamed. The screen went blank, and the boys were forced into doing the one thing you should never do in the presence of a poltergeist; stay.   
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"So what do we do?" Asked Neji, as the group sat in a circle around a psychic board.

"Well, we are supposed to contact the angered spirit. Usually they are angered because they were killed. So...maybe that's why Haku is back! He wants to tell us how he really died!" Lee said simply. Sakura sat on her knees, fidgeting in nervousness. Naruto noticed this, and questioned her about it.

"Oh..uuh…well, maybe we should just forget about this I mean…he killed himself, right? Mystery solved! He….hehe…..heee…." 

Hinata cocked an eye brow at Sakura's funny reaction, and scooted over to her and poked Sakura in the arm. "Couldn't hurt to try, right?" Sakura then gave Hinata a death glare that only Haku had ever seen. 

"Come on girls, there is nothing to be afraid of as long as I am here!" Naruto stood up and did the victory sign, laughing in all his cocky-ness.

"You mean me. I mean, I'm the one who is gonna save everyone you idiot!" Sasuke got up as he said this and looked Naruto up and down.

"What, you want a fight Uchiha?"

"Only if you can bring it Uzumaki!"

"Oh, I can bring it!"

"Your momma can bring it Uzumaki!"

"Why you!"

"Why do friends fight? You should respect your cherished one!" A soft wavery voice spoke this, and everyone looked around.

"What the hell was that?" Neji said.

Lee pointed up to the ceiling as he looked at the others. "It appears it came from there." Everyone cocked their heads up to see Haku, who was waving while doing the anime-face-smiley. You know the one. Naruto turned to Sasuke, who nodded.

"You know what we gotta do Sasuke."

"I'm with ya, Naruto!" The two ran, and pretty fast at that. Not even Lee was able to follow their movements. 

Hinata called after Naruto in panic. "Wait for me, Naruto-kun!" and she proceeded to chase him and Sasuke down. 

"Hinata-sama! You can't go off by yourself! It's too dangerous!" Neji chased after Hinata, knowing it was his responsibility to keep his cousin safe.

"Wait Neji! If you act too nice she'll think you want to marry her!" Lee called this after his dear friend, and chased after him in order to spare Neji any uncomfortable incest.

All that was left was Sakura and Haku, who were staring each other down with a menacing smile.

"Well well, if it isn't Haku. Your ruining my plan to get rid of you, you know!"

Haku nodded with a smile, and unsheathed his sword. Yes, Haku has a sword. He proceeded to chant the same line over and over as he tried to slice Sakura through the heart. "My name is Haku. You killed my Father. Prepare to die."

"I didn't kill your father, I killed you idiot!" Sakura screamed this as she dodged the deadly blades of the ghost from Hell.

Haku blinked. "Whatever, the Princess Bride line sounds better. DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" His sword jabbed in, hitting Sakura right in the gut. She gasped out, and collapsed to the ground. Haku smiled, having gained half of his revenge. "Now all I need to do is destroy Ino, and I'll be set!" He began to float away, when he heard a sound behind him.

There stood Sakura, in perfect health, with a ginormous ghost busters ghost sucker back pack on her back. The nozzle was pointed right at Haku, who gasped in confusion and horror. "That's impossible! I just killed you!"

"Are you dense? You're a ghost moron! You and your sword just go right through me with no affect!"

Haku nodded, and cursed lightly. "Damn. Guess I shoulda grabbed a real sword. Ah well!" Haku tried to float away with all his speed, but such was futile. Sakura sucked him up. She sucked him nice and hard until he was no more.   
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The group sat in a dark corner, huddled together. "Do you think Sakura is okay? She sure has been gone a while!" Naruto whispered to the others.

"I'm sure she is fine, Naruto." Sasuke said this reassuringly, but in his head what he was really saying was, _Ha! The dumb broad is dead! Ding dong the witch is dead, witch old witch, the wicked witch!_

Hinata scooted closer to Naruto, and whispered to him, "Naruto-kun, I am so scared!" 

"Don't worry Hinkaba!"

"I…it's Hinata."

"No no, it's Hinkaba."

"No, it's not. I..I think I'd know."

"Oh…well whatever." "You're so cruel Naruto-kun!" Hinata cried, and died a little more inside.

Sakura suddenly emerged in the distance, and everyone smiled and ran to her. "What happened Sakura-chan!"

"Was it the greatest fight of your life?"

"Fate allowed you to live, how excellent!"

"Why did you have to survive!"

"Did Gai-sensei save you?"

Sakura just smiled at all the attention, and patted her Ghost Busters backpack lightly. "Don't worry guys, the poltergeist that was Haku is no more."

Everyone partied the rest of the night, and a couple got drunk and had a make out session in a closet that neither remembered the next morning. That's beside the point though. As they all had fun, Haku kept his spirit alive in the backpack of doom. He'd have his revenge on them someday. Just wait, he'd be back, and deadlier than ever. BUWAHAHAHHA!  
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Me: Review please!


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